I have been pondering some difficult questions over the last few weeks. I am going to share with you the questions and thoughts that have been running through my mind.
Question: Do I still want to become a doll?
I have been doing a long hard internal battle with this question. My logical mind has been attempting to reason with me, stating exactly why this desire to be a doll is everything from childish and irrational to simply stupid and impossible. But the heart wants what the heart wants.
No matter how often I try to lay aside the thought it is still there. Constantly denying it is an exhausting and futile exercise.
If you were me, I wonder what you would say to this?
Question: What kind of doll do I want to be?
I am not entirely sure of the answer to this one. While researching the various doll subcultures no single one stood out to me as “the one”. I have narrowed my preference to two options. One of the two options would be Animegao Kigurumi the other option would be a cross between the ‘Kawaii Doll’ and Dollification. Each of these options appeal to me for their own reasons, but each also have their own unique challenges. Which type of doll would you like to see me become more? Please let me know in the comment section, or even via email.
Question: Am I too old to be a living doll?
My own personal answer to this one would be yes. I am also sure there are several people who would agree with me. When looking at some of the doll subcultures they are largely composed of people who are at least 10 years (or more) younger than myself. I honestly feel I have no business in even attempting to interact with these people. Yet I plucked up the courage to do so and raised the question of age to them. Surprisingly those that I spoke to believe that there is no age issue and that anyone of any age or gender can be a doll.
It is based upon their answers that I am willing to lay aside my issue with being too old. I would love to hear what you think about this question though. Let me know if you have an opinion.
Question: What am I going to do now?
I believe my next steps on this journey would be to find more people who are supportive. Having told Clara and getting the positive response I did makes me realise how good it is to have understanding and supportive people on this subject.
I think I should also do some more research into the different types of dolls out there. I feel like I still have a lot to learn in this area.
I am also hoping to continue exploring the more feminine aspects of myself. This applies to clothing, make-up, hair, and even mannerisms. This exploration is proving to be very enjoyable.
Question: What is the future of this blog?
Although I am filled with uncertainty when I am faced with this question, I am also equally filled with hope and possibilities.There were some days where I was on the verge of deleting this blog entirely and giving up on this journey, but my heart urges me to continue onward.
It is my hope to grow this blog and perhaps even find readers whom I can add to the pool of understanding and supportive people.